Respected psychosexual counsellor Angela Gregory comments on the problem with porn following NSPCC survey
Pornography made my boyfriend abuse me, says teenage girl
10% of 12 &13yr olds are worried about their pornography habits
These were the disturbing headlines on the BBC news yesterday. So what is the truth behind these headlines? A Cosmos survey found that over 90% of sex and relationships therapists had seen an increase in sexual and relationship problems caused by pornography, in 2013. As a therapist for the past 15 years, I have personally witnessed the negative influence and impact of exposure to online pornography and explicit material.
Via the internet, pornography is accessible and anonymous; it has created a cultural context that is educating young people about what is ‘normal’. Gone are the days when our exposure to something explicit was the underwear section of the Littlewoods catalogue or a centre page spread in the adult magazine Penthouse. Now it is women on their knees being intentionally choked during oral sex, men ejaculating in women’s faces, double and anal penetration, group sex, symmetrical hairless genitalia with not a foreskin in sight, young adult women dressed up as young girls in scenarios featuring teachers, step-fathers, uncles… all just one click away.
We can all experience feelings of inadequacy that on some level we don’t measure up when compared to others. But young people are more vulnerable, and online they can view a kaleidoscope of sexualised images and Olympic-style performances to compare themselves with. Porn sex is based on performance, on the penetration of any orifice with a guaranteed orgasm. What it is not about is love, teasing, sensuality, massage, eroticism or emotion. The message is very clear, hard fast penetration equals great sex and any personal ‘failure’ to measure up can be immediately posted on social networking sites.
So what happens when the adolescent brain meets high-speed hard-core pornography? Some will experience erection problems and ejaculation difficulties as the result of performance anxiety from a fear of failure. High-frequency masturbation and pornography use (three times a day is not unusual) can lead to physical and psychological desensitisation to normal sexual stimulation and arousal with a sexual partner. According to the website www.yourbrainonporn.com the younger a boy is when he starts watching porn the longer it can take to reverse this conditioning effect. To put it bluntly, they have to learn to find their girlfriend sexy or real life sex arousing.
Young women face enormous pressures and are increasingly complaining of sexual pain (dyspareunia), body image issues related to asymmetrical labia, recurrent itching, lack of lubrication, loss of libido and inability to achieve orgasm despite responding to sexual stimulation (anorgasmia). Many of these problems are related to unrealistic expectations, a lack of sexual arousal, and the nature and type of sex they are having.
Sadly many clinicians are too embarrassed to ask women details about their sexual life. Yet it is this detail in the absence of a medical pathology that can shed light on why a young woman is experiencing difficulties with sex.
A young woman was referred to me by a gynaecologist after complaining of painful sex and an inability to orgasm – assessment identified that she was having sexual intercourse every day for up to an hour and half and yet she seemed surprised that this would cause discomfort let alone pain. Imagine rubbing the inside of your bottom lip for 90 minutes a day…that’s going to hurt. The vagina has a similar surface. After questioning her about her boyfriend, she revealed that he also masturbated twice a day with porn, which accounted for his ability to last for so long.
In terms of treatment I asked her to ask him to stop masturbating and using porn for one month after which she reported that intercourse was now lasting about 15 minutes and her issue with discomfort had significantly improved. She was also very surprised to learn that only 30% of women experience vaginal orgasms and that making an effort to set the scene with sensual build-up and foreplay would enhance her pleasure and arousal.
In the field of sexual medicine there is much debate about the existence and term sexual addiction. Many years ago, I can remember it being reported in the press that the actor Michael Douglas was seeking help for sexual addiction. My initial thoughts was that this was ‘an excuse’ for bad behaviour, however, over the past few years this has been challenged many times as I have witnessed first-hand the personal devastation that online sexual activity/porn is having on young people and on their ability to form and maintain regular intimate and loving sexual relationships.
Sadly online pornography is only the tip of the iceberg. Twitter, Facebook, chatrooms and dating sites also expose young people to sexual images, explicit chat and online video clips of sexual acts. Grindr and Tinder are ‘dating’ sites but don’t be under the impression that it’s all about meeting someone for a coffee or a glass of wine.
Equally worrying is that children and young people are willingly putting indecent images of themselves online. In 2012 Child Exploitation and Online Protection centre (CEOP) found that the vast majority of sexually generated indecent images (SGII) of children are uploaded onto the internet by the children and young people themselves without any external influence or coercion. CEOP found that these images were being distributed in the following ways (in order of prevalence):
- Live one-to-one video chat on websites;
- Video chat via instant messaging applications;
- Files sent by email to another person;
- Files uploaded to public video hosting websites;
- Files being sent as attachments during online chat sessions;
- Files used as profile images or posted on social networking websites.
We cannot leave the sexual education of our children to the producers and promoters of online pornography nor can we control what our children are exposed to. Blocking porn sites is an option but your children will have Facebook and Twitter accounts that are equally vulnerable to explicit material. Social networking sites and peer pressure are powerful and persuasive weapons and rarely will this be challenged by an embarrassed teacher responsible your child’s sex education.
As parents, the first step in the long fight to challenge the power of the internet is to be aware of what’s accessible online and to create an open dialogue with our children.
NOTES: Angela Gregory – BA (Hons), PST Dip, CH Dip, COSRT acc. Angela is the Lead for Psychosexual Therapy at the Chandos Clinic, a sexual dysfunction service for men and women at Nottingham University Hospital Trust. She has worked as a full-time Sexual and Relationship Psychotherapist for the past 15 years. She provides in-house training for both medical and nursing staff and regularly lectures at a national level.
In 2013 had work published in the International Journal of Gynaecology on ‘Sexual Problems in Older Women’ and a further article in the International Journal of Urological Nursing on ‘The Impact of Trauma on Sexual Functioning’ was published in 2014.
Angela is an advisor to Purple Orchid, the women’s self-care company. Purple Orchid is committed to the aim of the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists to establish a “life-course approach” to health, encouraging women to be proactive about looking after their health and wellbeing.
Dr Karen Gardiner, Managing Director of Purple Orchid, the Women’s Self-Care Company, said:
Following the announcement from the NSPCC about the survey on porn among young people, this article by Angela Gregory shows how the damage goes on into adulthood.
In line with Purple Orchid’s vision of self-care, we want to encourage mothers to talk to their daughters – and their sons – about how to take care of themselves as they approach puberty and begin sexual relationships. Through open conversations, we can instll in our children good values, a strong sense of self and an ability to be assertive and considerate, and in this way they can cope with the pressures they come under to look after themselves and others.
Angela is hosting a Q&A session on Purple Orchid Pharma website - we encourage you to send us your questions via the form below.
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